We learn a lot from our parents, not only by their words of wisdom but also by their actions. From the moment of infancy we began observing our parents and the world around us. We learn how to talk, walk, behavior, religion, ethics, family values and work. Growing up as an adolescent I recall working with my parents at our family restaurant we opened up when I was thirteen years old. Having been homeschooled, we did not get out of the house very often so I remember being so excited to have something to do everyday aside from schoolwork at home. At that time, I never would have guessed that working with my family would be one of my fondest memories. While we had our ups and downs- argued quite a bit, especially about business, it was the best experience a teenager could have. My parents taught my siblings and I valuable life lessons and among those were good work ethics. We always went to church on Sunday morning, which was one thing we could always count on as kids. Now that I am married and have children of my own I look back on my childhood and think of the things I appreciated my parents doing and how I want to ensure I do the same for my children. I’ve realized that not matter how old I get, I can never stop learning from my parents because they are years ahead of me in wisdom and life experiences. One thing I never expected to learn from my parents was how to pass on from this earth and how to be a caregiver during those difficult moments towards the end of life.
As a Christian, I know that the ultimate life is one seated at the right hand of our father God. We are just passing through this life on earth but yet we somehow take part in cultures way of clinging to life on earth. Death has always seemed to be so sad, emotional and painful. I’ve watched countless friends and family mourn the death of a loved one and I myself have mourned. My closest relative who I felt connected to was my grandmother and she passed away when I was 16 years old. At that age, I was self-indulged in my own wants and desires. It was a difficult thing to lose her and to know that I wouldn’t see her again but somehow I seemed to distract myself with other things in effort not to feel the pain from the loss. Now I’m not sure if this tactic comes from my dad’s side of the family but it seems as though my dad, my oldest brother and myself have become quite efficient and working through our struggle vs. dealing with it. We find ways to keep ourselves distracted, mostly with work, so that our mind is not left wondering. It can be a blessing and a curse, like a double-edged sword. At the end of the day, the problem is still there and left unresolved. All I have done is occupied myself to get through the day. But I believe that this tactic is what has kept my dad as determined as he is today.
Five years ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 4-colon cancer. I remember a week prior to the day he went to the ER, my mom had called me concerned about my dad. She asked me to talk to him because for weeks he had pushed her concerns and his own health symptoms aside and continued to just work- like he always does. After her sharing his symptoms with me, I drove an hour to get to their house after I had got off work and I had what I guess you could call an “intervention” with him. His one and only choice that I gave him was “get in the car, I’m taking you the doctor right now”. He of course objected, claimed my mom was over-reacting. But I remained persistent and we went to the doctor’s office. They were unable to get him in that day, so I took him back home and he promised that if the symptoms continued he would go to the doctor. Little did we know at the time that he would end up in the ER and be diagnosed with cancer. That night I sat with my parents until the wee early morning when they finally called his name and a doctor saw us. I remember that when they took my dad to do some test my mom was fidgeting with her leg bouncing. I asked her what she was thinking and she replied “I just have this feeling that someone isn’t right”. Still in that moment I never thought “cancer” so I just encouraged her by telling her how at least we got him here and he’s being treated by a doctor. That alone was a huge accomplishment because my dad can be stubborn. Almost 12 hours later with not a wink of sleep we were delivered the bad news. In that moment I learned something from my mom and that was how to be strong.
Family values always tend to shape and mold a child into the person that they will become as an adult. Whether you follow those family values or reject them and run in an opposite direction, it all has a part in who you are as an individual. My parents raised us in a loving home with God in the center. Prayer was something we did daily and something we firmly believed in. When my youngest brother was nine years old he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and aneurism. His prognosis was grim but my oldest brother and I would have never known. Why? Because my parents were always so positive and prayed often putting their trust in God. The result of that was a miracle, yes I said a miracle and my youngest brother is now twenty-five years old today. So as you can imagine, when my dad was diagnosed with cancer we went straight to God in prayer. Sure we had emotions and fear of the unknown, but it was not where our focus was placed. My dad underwent surgery and recovered well from that and shortly thereafter began taking chemotherapy treatment for the cancer that had metastasized to his liver. Even over the course of the past five years while he had continued chemotherapy and radiation treatments I never really thought of death because it was our families prayer that he would be healed. The lesson I have inadvertently learned from my dad during this time is perseverance. There have been countless times that he could have given up from the difficulty that chemo caused. He lost his hair, he got a bad rash, he was nauseous and weak. When the cancer spread to his bones he began feeling an immense amount of pain making it difficult to walk. I will just tell you right now that I thank God for designing women to only be pregnant for 40 weeks because I can promise you if I had to go one more week, I wouldn’t have made it! I was miserable. All the bad symptoms that come with pregnancy, I had them. I thought of this often every time my dad continued to suffer through his symptoms and side effects from chemo.
After my dad was diagnosed with cancer I began doing fundraisers for him. My parents have never set back for retirement or had health insurance. I always wondered how on earth my dad could work so hard and at the end of the day still have financial struggles. Then I began to realize that he had the heart of a giver and while he was in need himself to support his family, he would still give and lend a hand to others. Yet another lesson I learned from my dad without even realizing it. After the fundraisers were over I began focusing my time on cancer awareness and support and participated in some events at the Don W. Reynolds cancer support house. Every year the have their annual survivors challenge 5k run. I typically volunteered to work this event but last year and this year I decided to participate as a runner. I was a tad bit out of shape after having my daughter just 6 months prior. I hadn't ran in years! I came to this hill and started to slow down my pace, my side was cramping I felt like I couldn't breath anymore. I started to tell myself "I can't do this anymore" and i began to slow down to a sluggish jog, suddenly i passed by a crowd of people who started cheering me on and they were chanting "you can do this!" "you're an overcomer" "keep going!" Tears filled my eyes as I pictured my dad continuing to fight and push on even when it was difficult. So I immediately picked up my pace and began running again. Much to my surprise I actually started running faster than i had run the first 1/2 of the race. Prior to my dad having cancer I never fully comprehended the reason behind "running for a cause" and now I do. I also quickly came to understand why it's so important to have support and "cheerleaders" in your life.
A couple months ago I went with my parents to my dad oncologist appointment to find out the results from a brain scan he had done a couple days prior. For months my dad had been in so much pain from the bone cancer he just couldn’t stand it. Week’s prior to the brain scan he had started to slow down and simply walking or sitting down was painful for him. My mom and I had also sensed a change in my dad’s behavior and state of mind. He had been taking morphine and sleeping nearly 20 hours a day. He was incoherent at times when we would try to talk to him. Uncertain of how long someone had been present, thinking they just arrived when they had already been there. Forgetful to the extent that he wasn’t even aware he had a conversation with you, so he would have the conversation over and over. As we sat in the waiting room I was anxiously waiting to hear what the results were. This time my mom and I had switched spots from five years ago when we sat in the ER together. Instead of her feeling as though something just wasn’t right, I had this unsettling feeling that we were going to be told something we didn’t want to hear. Doctors reports have never seemed to effect my dad, he has always taken the information provided him and said “okay, well I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing” as if he wasn’t just told the worst news. My dads oncologist had already been telling him for weeks that he needed to go into hospice care and that there was nothing else they could do for him. His doctor took him off chemotherapy treatment but my dad continued on as if he was going to cure cancer. You know those pivotal moments in life that change everything and stop you in your tracks? For me, I can typically sense those moments right before they come. While sitting and waiting for the oncologist I just knew something was about to change and I will never forget that moment. This was the day that my dad would finally agree to hospice care. This was the moment that I found out the cancer had spread and was untreatable. This was the one and only moment I have ever seen a look in my parents eyes that had a sense of defeat. Though my dad said many inspiring things in that moment, but his look superseded his words.
Most people are uncomfortable with the idea of stopping an all-out effort to beat the disease they are fighting and accept that the fight, medically speaking, has come to end. However, there comes a point when the focus shifts from curing the disease to improving the quality of life and making your loved one comfortable. Going into hospice care was new to us all. For five years we had prayed and believed for a healing miracle so it was hard to accept that my dad would need hospice. Knowing how difficult of a time both of my parents were having, I did feel somewhat of a relief about having hospice there to help. My siblings and I all decided to get together once a week to visit with my dad and help my mom around the house. With every passing week I could sense that my mom was feeling more and more overwhelmed and my dads health seemed to be declining. While all of us being there might have been a good distraction for a few hours, I would tell that it didn’t alleviate the stress she had been dealing with Monday- Friday by herself. I could just sense the cry for help written all over her face. My mom is a strong woman, but when pushed to the limits she shuts down. Unlike my dad, my brother and myself who continue to work in efforts to avoid the problem. She doesn’t have that luxury being stuck at the house 24/7 as his caregiver. Seeing the pain he goes through, the care that he requires and his state of mind that seems to be clouded with confusion resulting in emotional outbursts. Not to mention the fact that he’s so stubborn that he acts as if he is fully functional so he continues to plan CE classes and meetings for real estate. He so desperately wants to be the man that he was, but his body and mind won’t allow it.
When I sit and think of all my parents have been through together not only in their lifetime, but just in the past five years as my dad has battled cancer I wonder how they have had the strength to endure all the struggles. I know that God has brought them through it all but I’m still amazed at the positive attitude they keep the majority of the time. But it shouldn’t come as a surprise to me. My parents have always set a positive example for our family and my dad has a way of making a difference in the lives of those around him. He has a brilliant mind and the heart of servant, which is a rare combination. I have come to realize that I get much of my personality and attributes from him, which is something I am proud of. I guess that’s why I generally look for the positives in the midst of a storm. I know that being stressed and worried accomplishes nothing by headache and heartache. But putting faith in God, now that’s where positive things start to unfold. Right now I am thankful for God’s grace and love for us all. While I do not understand many things and would like for things to be different with my dads health, I am so grateful to have had time with him. Time is one of the most precious gifts we have, it can never be bought and it is something that you will never get back once it’s gone. Making the most of each moment we have with family and loved ones verses complaining about what we don’t have will result in so much more happiness and joy. For all who are reading this I want to ensure that I leave you with words of encouragement and inspiration. So I am going to share a story with you that I heard from our pastor at church five years ago (within a few months of my dad being diagnosed with cancer)
During church one day Father Tom shared a video with us that he had seen where this guy was giving advice to people on how to become successful in life. The guy said that there are three steps to being successful. Step #1 Believe in yourself, Step #2 make a plan of action, Step #3 follow through with that plan. To demonstrate that this method works he decided to show his audience that he was going to break a board over his head by #1 believing he could do it, #2. Deciding how he was going to do it, #3 following through with his plan of breaking the board over his head. After several attempts of smashing the board over his head as hard as he could, he finally gave up after hurting himself. He came to the conclusion that it was his fault for not breaking the board and that he needed to continue to follow through and believe in himself until he broke the board. For another three minutes he continued to try again. Father Tom used this video as an illustration of what it’s like when we try to do things on our own rather than allowing God to help us. Sometimes we get hurt and often times we are unable to be successful without God.
This is what happens when we leave God out of our plans. We need to turn our plans into God’s plan. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has a plan for our lives, plans for us to prosper and have a fulfilled life. So why are we trying to do everything on our own? Rather than believing in ourselves solely, we should believe in abilities that we can have through God. Believe in what we can do when God is in control and we submit ourselves to his will. Matthew 19:26 and Mark 10:27 both tell us that with man these things are impossible, but with God all things are possible. So instead our three steps to success should be #1. Believe that God has a plan for your life, #2. Pray and ask God to show you his will (plan) for your life, #3. Be willing to obey God even when you can’t see the full picture of his will. Proverbs 3:5 -6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path. When you think something is not possible to achieve, pray and believe. Turn the “I can’t” into “God can & God will”. I will close with this last scripture, Hebrews 13:5 “keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God said never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”.
I am so encouraged and inspired every time I read the bible and take peace in knowing what great things God provided for us. This right here is how my family has survived through life’s storms and it is how we will continue to pull through with our heads held high even if we have to face losing my dad. The end result is not what happens here on earth because we will be seated in heaven with our father. God promises us life and life abundantly and I take comfort in knowing that my dad will always be in good hands whether he is in our hands or in Gods hands in heaven. I encourage you all to keep this in mind when you face your own struggles and when you interact with people. Always remember to act in a way that glorifies God.
As a Christian, I know that the ultimate life is one seated at the right hand of our father God. We are just passing through this life on earth but yet we somehow take part in cultures way of clinging to life on earth. Death has always seemed to be so sad, emotional and painful. I’ve watched countless friends and family mourn the death of a loved one and I myself have mourned. My closest relative who I felt connected to was my grandmother and she passed away when I was 16 years old. At that age, I was self-indulged in my own wants and desires. It was a difficult thing to lose her and to know that I wouldn’t see her again but somehow I seemed to distract myself with other things in effort not to feel the pain from the loss. Now I’m not sure if this tactic comes from my dad’s side of the family but it seems as though my dad, my oldest brother and myself have become quite efficient and working through our struggle vs. dealing with it. We find ways to keep ourselves distracted, mostly with work, so that our mind is not left wondering. It can be a blessing and a curse, like a double-edged sword. At the end of the day, the problem is still there and left unresolved. All I have done is occupied myself to get through the day. But I believe that this tactic is what has kept my dad as determined as he is today.
Five years ago my dad was diagnosed with stage 4-colon cancer. I remember a week prior to the day he went to the ER, my mom had called me concerned about my dad. She asked me to talk to him because for weeks he had pushed her concerns and his own health symptoms aside and continued to just work- like he always does. After her sharing his symptoms with me, I drove an hour to get to their house after I had got off work and I had what I guess you could call an “intervention” with him. His one and only choice that I gave him was “get in the car, I’m taking you the doctor right now”. He of course objected, claimed my mom was over-reacting. But I remained persistent and we went to the doctor’s office. They were unable to get him in that day, so I took him back home and he promised that if the symptoms continued he would go to the doctor. Little did we know at the time that he would end up in the ER and be diagnosed with cancer. That night I sat with my parents until the wee early morning when they finally called his name and a doctor saw us. I remember that when they took my dad to do some test my mom was fidgeting with her leg bouncing. I asked her what she was thinking and she replied “I just have this feeling that someone isn’t right”. Still in that moment I never thought “cancer” so I just encouraged her by telling her how at least we got him here and he’s being treated by a doctor. That alone was a huge accomplishment because my dad can be stubborn. Almost 12 hours later with not a wink of sleep we were delivered the bad news. In that moment I learned something from my mom and that was how to be strong.
Family values always tend to shape and mold a child into the person that they will become as an adult. Whether you follow those family values or reject them and run in an opposite direction, it all has a part in who you are as an individual. My parents raised us in a loving home with God in the center. Prayer was something we did daily and something we firmly believed in. When my youngest brother was nine years old he was diagnosed with a brain tumor and aneurism. His prognosis was grim but my oldest brother and I would have never known. Why? Because my parents were always so positive and prayed often putting their trust in God. The result of that was a miracle, yes I said a miracle and my youngest brother is now twenty-five years old today. So as you can imagine, when my dad was diagnosed with cancer we went straight to God in prayer. Sure we had emotions and fear of the unknown, but it was not where our focus was placed. My dad underwent surgery and recovered well from that and shortly thereafter began taking chemotherapy treatment for the cancer that had metastasized to his liver. Even over the course of the past five years while he had continued chemotherapy and radiation treatments I never really thought of death because it was our families prayer that he would be healed. The lesson I have inadvertently learned from my dad during this time is perseverance. There have been countless times that he could have given up from the difficulty that chemo caused. He lost his hair, he got a bad rash, he was nauseous and weak. When the cancer spread to his bones he began feeling an immense amount of pain making it difficult to walk. I will just tell you right now that I thank God for designing women to only be pregnant for 40 weeks because I can promise you if I had to go one more week, I wouldn’t have made it! I was miserable. All the bad symptoms that come with pregnancy, I had them. I thought of this often every time my dad continued to suffer through his symptoms and side effects from chemo.
After my dad was diagnosed with cancer I began doing fundraisers for him. My parents have never set back for retirement or had health insurance. I always wondered how on earth my dad could work so hard and at the end of the day still have financial struggles. Then I began to realize that he had the heart of a giver and while he was in need himself to support his family, he would still give and lend a hand to others. Yet another lesson I learned from my dad without even realizing it. After the fundraisers were over I began focusing my time on cancer awareness and support and participated in some events at the Don W. Reynolds cancer support house. Every year the have their annual survivors challenge 5k run. I typically volunteered to work this event but last year and this year I decided to participate as a runner. I was a tad bit out of shape after having my daughter just 6 months prior. I hadn't ran in years! I came to this hill and started to slow down my pace, my side was cramping I felt like I couldn't breath anymore. I started to tell myself "I can't do this anymore" and i began to slow down to a sluggish jog, suddenly i passed by a crowd of people who started cheering me on and they were chanting "you can do this!" "you're an overcomer" "keep going!" Tears filled my eyes as I pictured my dad continuing to fight and push on even when it was difficult. So I immediately picked up my pace and began running again. Much to my surprise I actually started running faster than i had run the first 1/2 of the race. Prior to my dad having cancer I never fully comprehended the reason behind "running for a cause" and now I do. I also quickly came to understand why it's so important to have support and "cheerleaders" in your life.
A couple months ago I went with my parents to my dad oncologist appointment to find out the results from a brain scan he had done a couple days prior. For months my dad had been in so much pain from the bone cancer he just couldn’t stand it. Week’s prior to the brain scan he had started to slow down and simply walking or sitting down was painful for him. My mom and I had also sensed a change in my dad’s behavior and state of mind. He had been taking morphine and sleeping nearly 20 hours a day. He was incoherent at times when we would try to talk to him. Uncertain of how long someone had been present, thinking they just arrived when they had already been there. Forgetful to the extent that he wasn’t even aware he had a conversation with you, so he would have the conversation over and over. As we sat in the waiting room I was anxiously waiting to hear what the results were. This time my mom and I had switched spots from five years ago when we sat in the ER together. Instead of her feeling as though something just wasn’t right, I had this unsettling feeling that we were going to be told something we didn’t want to hear. Doctors reports have never seemed to effect my dad, he has always taken the information provided him and said “okay, well I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing” as if he wasn’t just told the worst news. My dads oncologist had already been telling him for weeks that he needed to go into hospice care and that there was nothing else they could do for him. His doctor took him off chemotherapy treatment but my dad continued on as if he was going to cure cancer. You know those pivotal moments in life that change everything and stop you in your tracks? For me, I can typically sense those moments right before they come. While sitting and waiting for the oncologist I just knew something was about to change and I will never forget that moment. This was the day that my dad would finally agree to hospice care. This was the moment that I found out the cancer had spread and was untreatable. This was the one and only moment I have ever seen a look in my parents eyes that had a sense of defeat. Though my dad said many inspiring things in that moment, but his look superseded his words.
Most people are uncomfortable with the idea of stopping an all-out effort to beat the disease they are fighting and accept that the fight, medically speaking, has come to end. However, there comes a point when the focus shifts from curing the disease to improving the quality of life and making your loved one comfortable. Going into hospice care was new to us all. For five years we had prayed and believed for a healing miracle so it was hard to accept that my dad would need hospice. Knowing how difficult of a time both of my parents were having, I did feel somewhat of a relief about having hospice there to help. My siblings and I all decided to get together once a week to visit with my dad and help my mom around the house. With every passing week I could sense that my mom was feeling more and more overwhelmed and my dads health seemed to be declining. While all of us being there might have been a good distraction for a few hours, I would tell that it didn’t alleviate the stress she had been dealing with Monday- Friday by herself. I could just sense the cry for help written all over her face. My mom is a strong woman, but when pushed to the limits she shuts down. Unlike my dad, my brother and myself who continue to work in efforts to avoid the problem. She doesn’t have that luxury being stuck at the house 24/7 as his caregiver. Seeing the pain he goes through, the care that he requires and his state of mind that seems to be clouded with confusion resulting in emotional outbursts. Not to mention the fact that he’s so stubborn that he acts as if he is fully functional so he continues to plan CE classes and meetings for real estate. He so desperately wants to be the man that he was, but his body and mind won’t allow it.
When I sit and think of all my parents have been through together not only in their lifetime, but just in the past five years as my dad has battled cancer I wonder how they have had the strength to endure all the struggles. I know that God has brought them through it all but I’m still amazed at the positive attitude they keep the majority of the time. But it shouldn’t come as a surprise to me. My parents have always set a positive example for our family and my dad has a way of making a difference in the lives of those around him. He has a brilliant mind and the heart of servant, which is a rare combination. I have come to realize that I get much of my personality and attributes from him, which is something I am proud of. I guess that’s why I generally look for the positives in the midst of a storm. I know that being stressed and worried accomplishes nothing by headache and heartache. But putting faith in God, now that’s where positive things start to unfold. Right now I am thankful for God’s grace and love for us all. While I do not understand many things and would like for things to be different with my dads health, I am so grateful to have had time with him. Time is one of the most precious gifts we have, it can never be bought and it is something that you will never get back once it’s gone. Making the most of each moment we have with family and loved ones verses complaining about what we don’t have will result in so much more happiness and joy. For all who are reading this I want to ensure that I leave you with words of encouragement and inspiration. So I am going to share a story with you that I heard from our pastor at church five years ago (within a few months of my dad being diagnosed with cancer)
During church one day Father Tom shared a video with us that he had seen where this guy was giving advice to people on how to become successful in life. The guy said that there are three steps to being successful. Step #1 Believe in yourself, Step #2 make a plan of action, Step #3 follow through with that plan. To demonstrate that this method works he decided to show his audience that he was going to break a board over his head by #1 believing he could do it, #2. Deciding how he was going to do it, #3 following through with his plan of breaking the board over his head. After several attempts of smashing the board over his head as hard as he could, he finally gave up after hurting himself. He came to the conclusion that it was his fault for not breaking the board and that he needed to continue to follow through and believe in himself until he broke the board. For another three minutes he continued to try again. Father Tom used this video as an illustration of what it’s like when we try to do things on our own rather than allowing God to help us. Sometimes we get hurt and often times we are unable to be successful without God.
This is what happens when we leave God out of our plans. We need to turn our plans into God’s plan. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God has a plan for our lives, plans for us to prosper and have a fulfilled life. So why are we trying to do everything on our own? Rather than believing in ourselves solely, we should believe in abilities that we can have through God. Believe in what we can do when God is in control and we submit ourselves to his will. Matthew 19:26 and Mark 10:27 both tell us that with man these things are impossible, but with God all things are possible. So instead our three steps to success should be #1. Believe that God has a plan for your life, #2. Pray and ask God to show you his will (plan) for your life, #3. Be willing to obey God even when you can’t see the full picture of his will. Proverbs 3:5 -6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your path. When you think something is not possible to achieve, pray and believe. Turn the “I can’t” into “God can & God will”. I will close with this last scripture, Hebrews 13:5 “keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have because God said never will I leave you; never will I forsake you”.
I am so encouraged and inspired every time I read the bible and take peace in knowing what great things God provided for us. This right here is how my family has survived through life’s storms and it is how we will continue to pull through with our heads held high even if we have to face losing my dad. The end result is not what happens here on earth because we will be seated in heaven with our father. God promises us life and life abundantly and I take comfort in knowing that my dad will always be in good hands whether he is in our hands or in Gods hands in heaven. I encourage you all to keep this in mind when you face your own struggles and when you interact with people. Always remember to act in a way that glorifies God.